Catholic and Jewish Mothers, according to many comedians have raised guilt to the level of a martial art.   “Guilt” and its sidekick “shame” are not really anything to laugh at. these two emotions, both separately and together,  can have debilitating effects on a person’s development and their ability to enjoy a normal, healthy life.

Guilt, when weaponized, can be a devastating tool used by manipulative people to keep another person under control. Guilt can be sharper than a razor’s edge, heavier than a sledgehammer and more difficult to get out from under than any vacation timeshare contract you’ve been talked into in the past, but is all guilt bad?  No.

Normal guilt and shame have their place in society and is actually a sign of a well-rounded healthy individual, likewise, both of these emotions can help to maintain a certain order in society as a whole, by keeping destructive behaviors to a minimum as people “self-police”. 

According to Psychology Today – “Given how uncomfortable guilt can feel, it can provide a strong motivation to apologize, correct or make up for a wrong, and behave more responsibly in the future”.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/guilt

However, excessive, pervasive guilt may be a sign of mental illness, psychologists say.  Issues such as depression, behavioral disorders, PTSD and even chemical imbalances in the brain can manifest from excess guilt, but, in my hypnosis practice I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes a person who is suffering from excessive guilt is not always the one with the “mental illness”. Many people find themselves trapped in relationships with a parental figure or partner who is using guilt and the threat of shame to control or dominate them. The fact that these clients have sought out my services is actually an indication that they know deep down inside that their excessive feelings of guilt are somehow inappropriate in their life.

Let’s get normal guilt out of the way first; there are a ton of resources out there on the internet to determine whether your guilt is “normal”, books, articles, videos, all just a google.com away. For example, Psych Central dot com has 5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt, which includes “Make changes, instead of wallowing in guilt, Learn from mistakes, and their final suggestion at number 5. Recognize that no one is perfect. https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips-for-dealing-with-guilt/

More good suggestions are at the above link, but what if none of them are applicable in your situation, or what if you’ve tried them (or variations of those solutions) in the past and you keep having heavy feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy? Is all this guilt just part of who, and what you are for the rest of your life? Of course not! If you’ve read this far then you know that there has to be a way out from under the burden of guilt. You may also have an inkling that this guilt which you feel may have been unfairly placed upon your shoulders through the misdeeds and needs of another person prominent in your life.Like Psych Central said: Recognize that no one is perfect. One of the most common culprits when it comes to instilling guilt in another person is, of course, Parents, especially Mothers.

Mothers do have one of the most difficult jobs in the world, a constantly evolving challenge as society morphs and changes in this modern world. They also consequently have the biggest influence and power on and over any child, teenager or young adult as they mature and grow older under that Mother’s care and guidance. However, if that care and guidance is more about control and domination, then the damage done in the formative years of a young person can be debilitating in their adult life for decades to come.

If you feel that the above might be the case with you, you can always schedule a free 30-minute telephone consultation with me right here on www.familyfirsthypnosis.com I’ve developed a (by no means) definitive checklist, of things to tell yourself, that may help you in the short term if they apply. First, determine if the Guilt is REALLY Necessary – If not, try thinking these things instead;

1)     You’ve done all you can

2)     He/she has options other than blaming expecting you to fix their problems.

3)     Her bad behavior is catching up with her.

4)     You are not God, give a higher power a chance to teach her.

5)     This higher power may be trying to help, but you keep getting in the way by jumping in to help before a painful lesson has been completely learned by her.

6)     In any “crisis”, give it a day, and change will likely occur without your intervention. Don’t always jump in right away.  If you can’t wait a day, wait a few hours and see what happens.  

7)      Things never stay the same, wait and see.

8)     There are others there for her that may need to step up and do their part.

9)     IF you do everything they never will!

10) Make a list of all you have done TO help her.

11) Understand that this is not YOUR fault.

12) Understand that you didn’t do anything wrong.

13) You are not guilty of anything just by being there in their life.

14)  Read this list again and again.

15) Get your free telephone consultation with me and let the power of 5-Path ® Hypnosis Help you.

16) If any of this helps relieve some of your angst, you have permission to go do something that makes you HAPPY

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