It’s that time of the year again, hugs and kisses roses and chocolates, champagne and dancing the night away while staring deep into your loved one’s eyes, right? Saint Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, a day of love, a day of appreciation and for some a day of desperately needed validation.
The romanticized version of love which is depicted in movies, books, poetry and even in Hallmark cards has so seeped into the consciousness of society’s expectations of what love is supposed to be, that it actually causes huge problems this time of year.
53% of women say they would break up with their partner if they received nothing this St. Valentine’s Day. That’s according to Wallethub.com they track the numbers on how much is spent on holidays. They also go on to say that Men will outspend Women by more than three times trying to please their partners, with the average amount spent of $357.96 https://wallethub.com/blog/valentines-day-facts/10258/
How has, for Women, being appreciated as a romantic partner morphed into something so much deeper? Well, in my practice what I see, that makes Valentine’s Day take on such great meaning, is a strong need to be recognized a human being worthy of love and attention. And it’s a need that can dominate and destroy a perfectly good relationship or marriage because of one partner’s expectations and one partner’s obliviousness.
Saint Valentine’s Day becomes Judgement Day.
According to AttorneyFee.com, a legal referral site (https://www.attorneyfee.com/) February, especially after the 15th, is one of the busiest months of the year for divorce filings, usually 18% busier than the average month and the request for referrals for a divorce lawyer on the site jumps up 38% in the days following February 14th.
One of the fascinating things about seeing thousands of clients over the years of being a professional Hypnotist is that I see the root cause of such problems exposed and I get to witness relationships stepping back from the brink of catastrophe once the causative issues are dealt with.
So, what are those roots causes? Why is Saint Valentine’s Day used so voraciously as a Woman’s validation of her relationships very existence? Well, it’s not for every woman, but if you feel scared he’ll forget you on Valentine’s Day or afraid that his gift won’t be thoughtful enough, then you may have a deep-seated fear. This fear is usually the fear of being left out, overlooked, of being not good enough, or even that something is wrong with you! This fear could also be a fear that you chose the wrong partner or something else that you just don’t want to face.
But there can be more to it also. The need for Saint Valentine’s Day validation may be that you are trying to fill a deep hole of emptiness or loneliness which was usually formed in childhood and reinforced with the unrealistic depictions that girls are bombarded with during their formative years.
That hole of emptiness, that sense of incompleteness, that estrangement from safety and security can be as simple as feeling overlooked by a parent on a special occasion or crying oneself to sleep at night as a child. It can seem small and trivial to an adult, but that sort of lonely feeling can lodge deeply in the subconscious and be reinforced and made stronger over the years by other events as one grows into maturity. Then, a cumulative effect of small perceived slights can morph into one huge big blowout issue when that “straw the breaks the Camel’s back” falls on St. Valentine’s Day. Not him too! He was supposed to really love you!
The wrong flowers, milk chocolate instead of dark chocolate, the wrong choice of restaurant such as a Sports Bar rather than a posh romantic spot, the minefield of potential male failings on February 14th may help to explain why men try to spend their way into her good graces to the tune of $27.4 billion. Saint Valentine’s Day is recognized as the second-priciest holiday on the calendar for U.S. consumers.
This can lead to another problem as tensions in a relationship, the pressure on the other partner to “perform”. Anger, resentment and stress then can become a vicious cycle reaching tragic conclusions. In fact, anecdotal evidence from the many Police and first responders I’ve had in my Hypnosis office as clients, leads me to believe that the number of domestic violence calls to 911 jumps significantly around Valentine’s Day.
So, how do we address that desperate need for validation that is exhausting not only oneself, but also their partner? We find that persons root cause. It’s always highly individualized and buried somewhere in the subconscious. Once found, we fill in that emptiness with what is needed which is, to absolutely forgive and be loved by oneself.
If you’d like your own personal free consultation on surviving or recovering from Saint Valentine’s Day, just book here on www.familyfirsthypnosis.com
