There are hearts and roses everywhere, there are commercials showing loving couples doing romantic things and there’s always the latest silly (but catchy!) love song on the radio that you just can’t seem to get out of your head. Yes, it’s almost Saint Valentine’s Day again, the second-biggest spending day in the average American consumer’s calendar.

Valentine’s Day is so pervasive, so permeated into our society that signs of it’s coming crop up in unusual places. Places such as “Buying tips for the top 27 gifts for Valentine’s Day” from Business Insider dot com? https://www.businessinsider.com/valentines-day-gift-ideas. And here’s a spoiler, none of them are stock tips or office supplies that you’d expect from a source such as Business Insider. The article is actually a serious list of romantic gifts. That’s how strong the lure of romance is, that gift ideas are even a consideration at the office!

I know someone who attends a very strict Fundamentalist Church, they were recently gushing over the plans thata the church has for a Valentine’s Day event. She was very interested when I pointed out that Saint Valentine was actually the Roman Catholic Patron Saint of lovers (also epileptics and beekeepers)! Once again the excitement of new love and romance can overwhelm the usually more circumspect of institutions.

So, yeah, the idea of romance is everywhere, but what happens when the magic fades? What happens when it becomes so old hat that the spark and desire are gone? Society has made it all too easy to just “move on”. Divorce happens a lot.   To some people, it’s a frequent occurrence as they become “serial divorcers.” They chase repetitively after that idealized romantic life.  The kind that only exists in the beginning of relationships, or in Romantic Comedy movies and Harlequin novels.  The very sad thing is that so often the long term effect on children is not considered.  Children can be devastated when one or both parents abandon their commitments to chase after their new dream or delusion.

So, the question comes,  Is  it realistic to want to be “IN LOVE” all the time? That depends on what your definition of “in love” is? If it’s that non-stop frantic yearning and hand-holding 24/7, which newly smitten romantic partners do experience, then perhaps yes, that’s a bit unrealistic. But, if you define ‘in love’ as making that ultimate commitment, for better or for worse, than it’s entirely possible to maintain a deep, satisfying, secure and even passionately romantic love to last “till death do you part”.

As a Hypnotist, I see people for relationship issues all the time.  I know all too well that even the best and strongest marriages can hit a bumpy spot now and then.  Some of the most satisfying client cases I’ve had have looked like some of the worst relationships you could imagine, at first. Betrayal and loss, anger and resentment, disappointment and disillusionment under the right guidance can be turned into something that can cause  a relationship to be rekindled, reborn and even to become loving and satisfying for both partners again.

I do make it a rule to only work with one spouse at a time as we look very closely at many things, including, and maybe most importantly, anger. In my practice I have found that to become the best partner you can be means you have to get over past hurts.  In fact, it often helps to forgive the biggest jerk in your life, whoever that is.  (Don’t worry, with a professional it IS possible.) We are talking about that person who hurt you the most when you look at your whole life. Sometimes it is the spouse, but very often it’s not.  

The actual root cause of resentment and anger can go way back to earlier times. These earlier times can be amplified and magnified by subsequent events.  Then,  that pain inside can make you not only close your heart to protect yourself, which can make your partner feel lonely and neglected, but it can also make you lash out when your partner isn’t truly at fault. In close personal relationships, as we do this work, frequently the client is astonished to realize that the past is so often the only real thing standing in the way of true  happiness. 

So often, but not always.  There are other things we look at within each individual also.  And then for everything else there is the upkeep that needs to be considered.  Any relationship can be accidentally put on the back burner when life gets busy or overwhelming.  Oprah Magazine had a great article on how to rekindle relationships. In the article, they quoted Amiira Ruotola, co-author of How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking (fun title) She says to help rekindle those feelings (of love), “return to the area where you met or got engaged,” for example.  She also recommends returning to the past by taking a walk down memory lane. “Going somewhere you have great memories together can remind you that you’re still interesting people who like each other,” she says. “Sometimes we need a sensory kick in the butt to reignite a dormant spark.” Interesting that she recommends returning to the past, since, so often the UN-healed past is the major part of the problem.   https://www.oprahmag.com/life/relationships-love/a29567590/how-to-rekindle-relationship/

By the way, in Tony Robbins article on 5 ways to rekindle a relationship he first states that “The most common reason is that one or both of you have stopped putting in the work necessary to keep your love alive” This well-worth-the-time-to -read article goes on to point out some quick tips on how to rekindle the love. Such as being curious about your Partner, when you first met, didn’t you want to know EVERYTHING about them? Practice curiosity; delve deep into their thoughts and dreams, ask questions beyond “How was work?” check out the full article here https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/5-ways-to-rekindle-a-relationship/

Love and relationships are not doomed to fade or fail.  They can be the most resilient and strongest part of your entire life and it’s often not just down to the partner you choose, but it’s the partner YOU choose to be!

If you need to talk about your relationships and how to move forward, get your free Hypnosis telephone consultation here at www.Familyfirsthypnosis.com