“When you’re 20, you care what everyone thinks. When you’re 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks.  When you’re 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place,” Whether it was Winston Churchill who said those words or whether he was quoting them from someone else, the sentiment rings true for most of us, especially in this age of social media.

Needing the approval of digital peers, hanging on every tweet, “like” and emoji for your self-esteem is something many people are dealing with.  Modern communications have rendered and transformed the old “What will the neighbors think!” into a raging digital monster with instantaneous repercussions if you should accidentally offend with a quip or a posting.  

Why do we care so much about what others think? Well, here, perhaps is one reason.  We care because it’s an ingrained, human survival mechanism imprinted into our subconscious DNA going back to the dawn of time. Human society has always evolved along with family, group, clan, or tribal lines in every culture the world has ever known. We need others to survive.  

The problem is that nowadays the tribe can go on and on with social media and we were never meant to have a tribe so big or so varied in opinion.  Thankfully, we now have more choices than ever over who we allow into our inner circle.  We don’t have to settle for what the groupthink is.  We can create our own group and we should.  

Creating your own tribe can be way more important for some, than for others, because some of us have, unfortunately, come to learn that family members and friends, who were supposed to really care about us, actually really don’t.  Or maybe it’s just that the ideas and beliefs of these people are not aligned enough with our own, and that we have come to a place in our lives where we’ve realized it’s not healthy to allow their words and actions to affect us anymore. 

So, how do you make that happen?  How do you take the influence, of what could be a lifetime, out of your life?  The answer is that you may have to form your own tribe and hang out with people you can trust.  If you don’t, the need to be approved of by those who are not aligned with what you believe to be important will make your life quite miserable.

Now this might sound kind of scary, just chunking people, just throwing them away, but keep in mind you don’t have to completely reject anyone if you don’t want to. You do have to be strong enough, if necessary, however,  to limit some people’s time with you and to stand up for what you want and believe when it really matters, but how do you get the backbone to do that?  Well, you find a genie in a bottle, in other words, seek out a very, very good hypnotist.  

In the meantime consider this.  According to Psychology Today, there is a healthy hierarchy of whose opinions should matter to you, it runs like this –  immediate family: spouses, children, and parents (probably in that order), bosses and close friends (should matter a lot, although not as much as family), colleagues and neighbors (should matter somewhat less), acquaintances (should not matter very much), people you encounter in the street or casually at a party (should not matter at all) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fighting-fear/201306/caring-what-other-people-think.

That being said, social media, as mentioned, has definitely opened a new category of people whose opinions should matter less than nothing at all to you, the digital stranger. However, anecdotal evidence in the news tends to point towards just the opposite, that the validation or criticism received on social media is so important that it’s becoming more and more the source of stress for people.  In fact, it’s no secret that many suicides amongst children, teens and even adults have occurred after someone took something personally that was posted on social media.

In a recent Pew Research study, 59% of U.S. teens are reported to have been bullied or harassed online, and a similar share says it’s a major problem for people their age… https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2018/09/27/a-majority-of-teens-have-experienced-some-form-of-cyberbullying/

By the way, research in the past has shown the link from peer pressure to the beginnings of addictive behavior. Social media is still relatively new and studies on its effects are undoubtedly underway.   However, we do know from past studies of human behavior that almost anything which requires an individual to behave in a certain way to receive society’s approval can be twisted into something harmful.

If you are one of those who find your thoughts frequently turning to what others think of you, or if you find yourself becoming distressed under criticism on-line, at home or at work, there is hope. The answer to why you are so dependent on the approval of others is to be found in your subconscious and can be completely overcome.  Imagine not caring what others think unless it’s truly best for you?  You’ll love the feeling of being carefree, strong and confident.  

So, how can that be achieved? Well, the subconscious is where fears and automatic reactions are generated.   Getting into the subconscious, accessing the information there and getting the necessary insight is something that a good 5 Path Hypnotist® is trained to do. 

Since I started this blog and the truth in life is some people won’t like you.  Some will.  So, who are you going to hang out with?

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